Oh where oh where do I begin? I did not mean to disappear on you guys. I truly didn’t. I needed a hiatus. I’ve hit rock bottom. I always thought, when reading about others hitting rock bottom, that it’s a single moment, a single event. As it turns out, rock bottom is a bit of an accumulation of things.
I’ve posted before about my history with food. The funny thing about history is that it never stops. Today’s present is tomorrow’s history. My history with food didn’t end when I discovered green smoothies. It didn’t end with the revelations brought on by my first attempt at a green smoothie cleanse. It keeps evolving. It’s adding new chapters daily.
About a month ago I looked around myself and realized that even though I had been consuming my green smoothies my body and my health were still a bit of a mess. I looked deep within and saw that my thoughts were a mess. I looked beyond myself and realized my house was a mess. It wasn’t a big leap before I finally admitted to myself that my life was a mess. I was a mess. It wasn’t a “moment”. It was a feeling that crept up on me, a little bit at a time. I finally realized I had to make some changes.
Don’t get me wrong. I have an amazing life. I’m married to my best friend and we have two wonderful, healthy children. There is food on the table every night and a roof over our heads each morning as the sun awakens us. I didn’t appreciate the blessings in my life. I was taking for granted the wonderful life in front of me. I’ve been selfish.
It’s time to change this pattern. I got off my bum and started cleaning and purging. Oh it feels good to purge! My house is (ever so slowly) looking less like a hazardous waste dump and more like a home. Carrying tangible items out of my house and blessing others with them (or, in some instances, just letting it go and carrying it off to the dump) has such a cleansing effect on the soul. However, it’s not enough. Purging the physical is one thing, but purging the emotional and psychological is a whole ‘nother ball game. I’m a work in progress.
There is one other place that I need to purge, something that scares me. It terrifies me to the core of my soul, but it’s time. I’m in a different place now and I know I’m strong enough. I need to purge some pounds. I’ve sworn off diets for life and I’m not going back on that, but it’s time. I’m ready.
I will not count calories, or fat grams, or points or anything else. I will eat when I’m hungry and what I eat will nourish my body and satisfy my soul. Nothing is off limits, but before every bite, before every food decision I will ask myself a few simple questions “How will I feel (physically) after eating this?” “Does this food provide nutritional value to my body?” There will be no right or wrong answers. If I want to eat something that will make me feel like crap and not add a single nutrient to my body, that is ok. I will not feel guilt. Asking these questions, however, will help me recognize my motivations. Am I eating this because I’m hungry and my body needs fuel? Am I eating this because I’m bored or upset? Am I eating this simply because its in front of me?
For anyone questioning exactly how I plan to eat, I will tell you this: in about six month's time I've switched from a fairly typical Standard American Diet (S.A.D) to a more Weston A. Price type of diet. I've made some big changes, but I still have a lot of work to do. I'll be talking about this more over time.
I’m not even sure if anyone still reads this blog, but I will post my progress, my thoughts, my recipes & maybe even some pictures (oiy!) here. I know this isn’t exactly green smoothie related, but what started as a simple challenge to myself has taken me down an emotional path to a healthier lifestyle. This blog will be my journal. I’m humbled if you chose to follow along with me. I’m elated if you should want to cheer me on and I’m honored if you’d like to join me.
Also, don’t’ forget to become a fan on Facebook, as I plan to start posting quite a bit more frequently there and not everything will make it onto the blog.
28 May 2010
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I am still here with yah. I need a kick in the pants too. You might just give that to me. :)
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading your progress!
ReplyDeleteYou should check out a book called Simple Steps, I have only started reading it, but it sounds like it might be something that could assist in this transformation.
Good Luck!!
I'll be joining you in the weightloss. and I'll be trying green smoothies to get there.
ReplyDeleteI'm at my highest weight ever, about 225, and I'm recovering from spinal surgery last week. my back crisis has made it hard for me to walk, but it's time now. I need to lose about 60 pounds. big, scary, but it's time to get started. I'm with you.
I'm with you, too. One thing I've learned, that I'll share (since shared so much with me!) is that there are several studies that show that counting calories actually does help you lose a lot more weight. But here's the thing! You don't have to add them up, you don't have to limit yourself. The secret is just to write it down. You eat something, you write it. You don't add it up, you don't say, "This is too many, I'll do better tomorrow." You don't say, "I've already had _____ calories, so I can't have that drink", etc. But there is a subconscious drift toward not wanting to have to write it if you don't really need it, and over time, you do consume less.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, in where ever your journey takes you. I'm proud of you for taking that hard look -- it can be really scary!
Bravo, Jess! I'm so proud of you. It takes incredible courage to write a post like this. We all spend so much time trying to appear perfect, while it's the imperfections that really connect us. I can't wait to read about this next phase of your adventure. Best wishes!
ReplyDeletewow! this sounds like where I have been at for the last few months. I too swore off diets, and on to nourishing my body. I am here, listening and cheering, and wishing you luck on the journey!
ReplyDeleteps, I will say that though I don't count calories, I will periodically write down what I am eating in a day, and it does seem to help me be more accountable, I have acctually stopped eating something because I didn't want to go write it down! Just an idea :)
You CAN and WILL do it~ Stating it to all of us and the Universe will put it into action. My problem is a lack of focus. When it comes to lifestyle change, take it one step at a time. Instead of focusing on your entire house, mind, body, yard, work life maybe just look at on part of one part. Succeed and move to the next. I am right there with ya when it comes to this. Thanks for leading the way*
ReplyDeleteFirst of all--yes--pictures, please!
ReplyDeleteSecondly--it takes a strong person to realize that when life comes creeping up on you with some ugliness, to look at it with clarity and honesty.
You are an amazing person, capable of amazing things.
Lastly--I still read--usually in clumps and snipets, but I still read your blog! I drink my smoothies every day--I love them--they've done amazing things for me. And I love you!