Oh where oh where do I begin? I did not mean to disappear on you guys. I truly didn’t. I needed a hiatus. I’ve hit rock bottom. I always thought, when reading about others hitting rock bottom, that it’s a single moment, a single event. As it turns out, rock bottom is a bit of an accumulation of things.
I’ve posted before about my history with food. The funny thing about history is that it never stops. Today’s present is tomorrow’s history. My history with food didn’t end when I discovered green smoothies. It didn’t end with the revelations brought on by my first attempt at a green smoothie cleanse. It keeps evolving. It’s adding new chapters daily.
About a month ago I looked around myself and realized that even though I had been consuming my green smoothies my body and my health were still a bit of a mess. I looked deep within and saw that my thoughts were a mess. I looked beyond myself and realized my house was a mess. It wasn’t a big leap before I finally admitted to myself that my life was a mess. I was a mess. It wasn’t a “moment”. It was a feeling that crept up on me, a little bit at a time. I finally realized I had to make some changes.
Don’t get me wrong. I have an amazing life. I’m married to my best friend and we have two wonderful, healthy children. There is food on the table every night and a roof over our heads each morning as the sun awakens us. I didn’t appreciate the blessings in my life. I was taking for granted the wonderful life in front of me. I’ve been selfish.
It’s time to change this pattern. I got off my bum and started cleaning and purging. Oh it feels good to purge! My house is (ever so slowly) looking less like a hazardous waste dump and more like a home. Carrying tangible items out of my house and blessing others with them (or, in some instances, just letting it go and carrying it off to the dump) has such a cleansing effect on the soul. However, it’s not enough. Purging the physical is one thing, but purging the emotional and psychological is a whole ‘nother ball game. I’m a work in progress.
There is one other place that I need to purge, something that scares me. It terrifies me to the core of my soul, but it’s time. I’m in a different place now and I know I’m strong enough. I need to purge some pounds. I’ve sworn off diets for life and I’m not going back on that, but it’s time. I’m ready.
I will not count calories, or fat grams, or points or anything else. I will eat when I’m hungry and what I eat will nourish my body and satisfy my soul. Nothing is off limits, but before every bite, before every food decision I will ask myself a few simple questions “How will I feel (physically) after eating this?” “Does this food provide nutritional value to my body?” There will be no right or wrong answers. If I want to eat something that will make me feel like crap and not add a single nutrient to my body, that is ok. I will not feel guilt. Asking these questions, however, will help me recognize my motivations. Am I eating this because I’m hungry and my body needs fuel? Am I eating this because I’m bored or upset? Am I eating this simply because its in front of me?
For anyone questioning exactly how I plan to eat, I will tell you this: in about six month's time I've switched from a fairly typical Standard American Diet (S.A.D) to a more Weston A. Price type of diet. I've made some big changes, but I still have a lot of work to do. I'll be talking about this more over time.
I’m not even sure if anyone still reads this blog, but I will post my progress, my thoughts, my recipes & maybe even some pictures (oiy!) here. I know this isn’t exactly green smoothie related, but what started as a simple challenge to myself has taken me down an emotional path to a healthier lifestyle. This blog will be my journal. I’m humbled if you chose to follow along with me. I’m elated if you should want to cheer me on and I’m honored if you’d like to join me.
Also, don’t’ forget to become a fan on Facebook, as I plan to start posting quite a bit more frequently there and not everything will make it onto the blog.